Me too!
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What drink are we having for lunch?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
