no. you can't hotbox the world.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
