Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
