yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That accounts for only three of the penises
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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