Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
