hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
