Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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