I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
