I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
