A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm passing your future prison.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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