I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
