he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize