i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
