I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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