i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
