isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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