I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
