This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh god it's open bar.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
