she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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