remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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