So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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