She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
