i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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