M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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