Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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