Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
