Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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