We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
