i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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