all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
