It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
