You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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