Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
