24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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