I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
