In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
