I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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