im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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