I'm eating all of the evidence.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
