Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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