i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
