a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
