maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
