i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
