who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it's like heaven, but drunker
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
