so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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