Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
