Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
