New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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