somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
