Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
