i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
